Convictions

Conviction--a belief or opinion that is held firmly

These past few weeks have been one steeped in the conviction of my heart. Recently, I blogged about my journey of midwifery. I truly feel that GOD placed the passion for mother's/women and babies on my heart and it is HIS desire that I pursue an education and career as a midwife. So, it was no big surprise to many that I applied to midwifery college...except for maybe GOD. Let me explain midwifery---there are two paths a midwife can take.

One, becoming a CPM (certified professional midwife) A CPM is a direct-entry midwifery practitioner who has met all the certification standards set by the North American Registry of Midwives (NARM). What distinguishes a CPM from other nationally certified midwives is that CPMs attend to out-of-hospital births and are trained via a competency-based model of education. NARM recognizes competency-based education as the optimal model for educating maternity care providers practicing in out-of-hospital settings because it is the only model that requires clinical experience in out-of-hospital settings, continuity of care, and risk assessment skills, which are required to determine when referral, collaboration or consultation with a physician is necessary.

Now, there are also CNM--In the United States, a Certified Nurse-Midwife ("CNM") is an Advanced Practice Nurse who has specialized education and training in both Nursing and Midwifery. CNM's function as primary healthcare providers for women and most often provide medical care for relatively healthy women, whose birth is considered uncomplicated and not "high risk," as well as their neonate. Certified Nurse-Midwives, in most states, are required to possess a minimum of a graduate degree such as the Master of Science in Nursing, or Post-Master's Certificate. By 2010, all Certified Nurse Midwives will be required to hold a graduate (Masters) degree. Most recently, the first Doctor of Nursing Practice (DNP) program has become available for Certified Nurse-Midwives and will graduate its first class in May 2010. Additionally, Certified Nurse Midwives must also hold an active Registered Nurse license in the state in which they practice. Certified Nurse Midwives practice in hospitals and medical clinics, and may also deliver in birthing centers and attend at-home births. They are able to prescribe some medications, treatments, medical devices, therapeutic and diagnostic measures, et al. in all 50 states. CNMs, while their specific scope of practice will vary depending on which state they are licensed to practice, in most states they provide medical care to women from puberty through menopause, including care for their newborn (neonatology), antepartum, intrapartum, postpartum and nonsurgical gynecological care.

Ok, so you might be asking yourself...how does this relate to Kari feeling conviction from the LORD? Well, as I stated, I knew that GOD desired for me to become a midwife, specifically to become a CNM. So, what did I do? I opted for the CPM route because I was deathly afraid of failing. Lame, right? I mean, who am I to argue the will of the LORD? I can't even make my own heart beat but I think I can challenge the LORD's will for my life and still succeed? Ha! These past few months have been littered with "obstacles" that I now see where GOD offering me the opportunity to repent and turn towards HIM in this journey. Instead, I ran faster and further ahead of HIM---dodging HIM at every stop. That came to a huge end on Monday. While in clinic (I have been apprenticing with a local CPM), I heard the traumatic birth story of women. It rattled me to my very core....GOD was working through this unassuming woman as she sat across from me and poured out her heart. To fight back tears, I bowed my head on several occassions throughout the interview (she was interviewing the midwife in the hope of hiring her for a home birth). My heart was in distress. I knew all along that GOD was calling me to pursue the CNM route---to work closely in the field of hospital based care---to act as a "change agent" and educator on the necessary reform in the hospital based maternal and fetal care. How could I help mother's---just like this one that was sitting before me---if I am not where GOD has called me to be? How can I sit and critisize and expect change--- of the very system I am called to serve--when I not working in that system? So, long story short---GOD penitrated my heart and over the course of several days: hundreds of tissues have been used (lots of crying), I have talked with so many---seeking wisdom, and lots of pray(...and I mean LOTS!) I am withdrawing from the current midwifery program that I am enrolled in and I will be pursuing the CNM route via CU Denver. This journey will be long and not without difficulty...I am sure, but I know now that I am to "rely on the LORD my GOD---and not to lean on my own understanding."--Proverbs 3:5-6.

GOD has blessed me throughout the week with wisdom in words. It has been tremendously helpful and reassuring. So, when I logged on to FB this morning...in the status of a dear friend, I read this:

"Little life lesson found in the stillness--when you're busy not doing what you aren't called to do anyway, it is easy to critique and say how things "should" be, but when you're busy doing what you ARE called to do, not focused on critiquing others--you find yourself praising God for the grace to handle your own tasks. Without Him, you couldn't do your task at hand." ~DB